So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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