I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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