me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
