drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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