she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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