dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
