i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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