Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
