one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
