first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
