Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
