On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You pole danced in your parka.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
