Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
