I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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