At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...