M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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