Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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