So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
