you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
