Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize