If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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