I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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