My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
