Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
