He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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