We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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