i already hear my dad disowning me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
