he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
