did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm always down for nudity.
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