I'm going to jail i love you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
