Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
