If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize