She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
