you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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