my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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