I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
