Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
