Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
