I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
