i think i have two assholes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize