No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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