The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize