Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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