The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
