i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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