found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
