I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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