omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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