Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
