he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
