don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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