Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
