she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
