We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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