Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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