I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
