totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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