the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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