He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
