he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
