I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
