I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
