just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
