He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
