at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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