like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
