1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
