Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
