Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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