If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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