I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
