Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
did you just send me my own nude
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
