is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
