i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
