Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
