good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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